HOW TO: Be the Life of the Kyrgyz Party

The Kyrgyz party is unlike any I’ve been to in America. The schedule of events unfolds differently. For those of you who are considering a trip to Kyrgyzstan, and more specifically Talas (the Land of Legends and Fairy Tales), here is a guide for you. This is knowledge accrued collectively by the volunteers, which we now impart to you. Enjoy!

1. Know the Toasting Ritual
Everyone sits on the ground around a table for the festivities. Rarely will you get up from the table. Women are there to serve and take away the dishes. To start, the evening tea will be served. Following this is the first course and tea. Then there is another round of food and tea (at the end of the evening be prepared for yet another round of food and tea). But before all of the eating starts, the drinking starts. Every family buys a couple bottles of rubbing alcohol-esque vodka. Cocktails are for foreigners, but real men and women throw back shots. Each shot is preceded by a toast. The order of the toast goes in rank, the oldest person starts it off and it proceeds down the line. I’m not sure when the guest is supposed to toast. It’s pretty much whenever they look very expectantly at you. All of the toasts consist of the very similar blessings. If you try to mix it up, you will not be received well. When the toast has been said everyone looks at each other telling them to drink. But it takes a few minutes for people to actually do it. I don’t know what they are waiting for. I wait for someone to set the pace. The first toast is important to the rest of the evening. If you drink the whole shot, they will want you to drink more than anyone else.

2. Dance Your Heart Out
After the first 2 rounds of eating and drinking, you dance. Dancing in Kyrgyzstan consists of minimal movement, but everyone MUST do it. You just have to shuffle back and forth and move your arms a little. If you do anything more than this, you will be considered a fantastic dancer. Everyone will crowd around you and clap and cheer. Rockstar.

3. Sing
Be prepared to sing a song. Without music or other people. By yourself. Luckily, it does not matter what language it is or what it is about. They just want to watch you sing. They have been singing the same Kyrgyz songs since birth and therefore can sing on command. However, the Kyrgyz folk will not grace you with a song unless you bring it up. They much prefer you to be the fool than them.

4. The Red Carpet
As the night progresses, and there are many bellies full of vodka surrounding you, cameras are the icing on the cake. A digital camera really gets their mojos going, though a regular one works as well. There is something magical about seeing yourself on the screen instantly. The Kyrgyz folks will ask you to take the same picture of them over and over again. Do not expect them to smile. Once they are satisfied with the amount of pictures taken of their family, you become the object of their desire. Instantly you are transformed into a celebrity. Who wouldn’t want a picture taken with the American? The drunken guy who has been dancing with you all night will especially want pictures taken with you. Don’t try to take a photo without him next to you. It is offensive.